By: Diana Tsakopoulos

By: Giacomo Gambineri

Once again, the holiday season successfully raises a question of conflict to each and every one of us shoppers; what makes a good gift? This dilemma is primarily about how well we know the recipient and whether or not they will appreciate the gift that we buy them – rather it is very generic or sentimental. 

“Gifts are an expression of feeling,” – Dr. Bonnie Buschele, psychoanalyst in Kansas City

Some people may feel obliged to give a sentimental gift to those who they value most. However, it is important to consider that these gifts initiate a vulnerable experience that may be dreadful for those with a fear of intimacy. This fear may trigger them to avoid accepting this sort of gift and provoke them to be envious of who is capable of being thoughtful in this way toward them. 

“That’s why some people get so stressed out giving gifts because it feels too exposing to express their emotions and like they won’t do it right,”. – Dr. Buschele, psychoanalyst 

To ease the holiday shopping, ask your recipient what they would appreciate. Rather they would like your gift to go by an act of service or surprise – you could ask general questions that would not interfere with either. Some people may use shared Google Docs to provide a variety of ideas to one another about what they would like. Next time you find yourself with family or friends, ask them what gifts they most enjoyed receiving and which they did not. In this way, you could improve your relationship with them, and this is a gift in itself.